Week 1 Power Rankings

1.	Easy, Breesy, Beautiful	Steve emerged victorious from the championship rematch this week beating Greg 171.7-160.6. Drew Brees made the difference for Steve, earning 31.4 points compared to Big Ben’s 21.8. Steve used his place atop the waiver order this week to pick up C.J. Anderson. The possibly resurgent Anderson could make a good addition to Steve’s already strong team.
2.	Lucky Strike	Big weeks from Andrew Luck and Ameer Abdullah gave Alison the edge she needed in her matchup against Tim. Kelvin Benjamin should be a big part of her team as well demonstrating in week 1 that he is Cam Newton’s favorite receiver. The injury to Zach Ertz and the continued mediocrity of perennial disappointment Jeremy Hill could hurt Alison in her game against Steve next week.
3.	Birdo Be Gone	In the rematch of last year’s Birdo Bowl (which was itself a rematch of 2014’s), Mikey trounced Jimmy soundly. Good weeks from Matt Ryan, David Johnson, and Jordan Matthews along with a great week from DeAngelo Williams propelled Mikey to his league high 183 points. The production form Williams is only temporary though as he will lose a lot of carries once Le’Veon Bell comes back. Mikey needs to find a replacement if he wants to renounce his title.
4.	Doin’ Twerk	Antonio Brown twerked his way into 32 points and a $600K fine Monday night giving Brian more than he needed to win. Brown and Brian’s other starting receivers combined for 81 points in the first week. Special teams is an area Brian should look to improve on. He got 0 points from the Chiefs defense and a whopping 2 points from kicker Chandler Catanzaro.
5.	It’s All Fun and Games…	The fun ended early this year for Cait, with Keenan Allen going out for the season only two quarters into the season. Caitlin was able to pull off a win thanks to an amazing game from Alex Smith and an incredibly soft matchup against Andrew. She should get more points out of her running backs but she desperately needs help at WR if she wants to make the playoffs.
6.	Fair to Middling	Greg had a decent week but unfortunately came away with a loss in week 1. He had solid scores from most of his team but lacked the big hitter to put him over the edge. Julio and Odell disappointed this week (16 points counts as a disappointment for Julio right?) but are likely to have much better games next week. Julio faces the Raiders defense who just got torched by the Drew Brees and Odell gets the Saints defense against whom he got 39 points last year. Look for Greg to right the ship in week 2.
7.	Barn Burning	Tim had a pretty solid week but had a tough matchup and left with the loss. Stafford and Rodgers were excellent but there were two obvious issues for Tim. Gary Barnidge did not get any points and Tim’s defense ended up in the negatives. The return of Josh McCown to the helm of the Browns should bode well for Barnidge and not starting the defense facing the Saints will help Tim there. Tim has an easier matchup in Week 2 against Jimmy.
8.	Green in the Gills	Despite a monstrous performance from A.J. Green, Kodz came out of week 1 with a loss. With Green accounting for almost a quarter of his total, Greg needs to find more scoring from the rest of his team, at least until Le’Veon comes back.
9.	The Drop Heard Round the World	At 12:08 PM on Monday, September 5, 2016 James Joyce dropped C.J. Anderson to pick up Jimmy Garoppolo. Three days later Anderson went on to score 29.9 points in the season opener. Garoppolo, who is likely only playing four games this season, got only 15.1. Keep this move in mind come the end of the season when Mr. Joyce is vying for his second Birdo. Apparently he really wants the sweatervest back.
10.	Bench Press	Andrew’s team put together a stunningly awful performance in week 1, earning the lowest total by 35 points. Dez Bryant and Jared Cook managed to get only 1 reception apiece and Andrew’s running backs (including Rawls on his bench) only scored 8.8 points each. However, things weren’t all awful for The And2 Mixtape. Willie Snead and Mohamed Sanu shined on the bench earning an impressive 32.2 and 21.1 points respectively.