Week 6 Power Rankings by Greg Barasch

1.	Arian Nation	The model of consistency, Greg K (0) once again rode a balanced attack from all his non-quarterbacks in Week 6 to move to 5-1 on the season. The sudden re-emergence of Arian Foster coupled with a weakshit opponent allowed Greg to hold on to the top spot in the league. He’s faced the single easiest schedule to this point and is likely due for some regression there, but wins are wins and it’s been smooth sailing for Greg thus far.
2.	Line of DeMarcation	Over in Adam West, Alison (0) kept rolling as well. Despite three of her starters delivering less than ten combined points, the head of Alison’s roster was as strong as ever, helping her notch a fourth straight victory to open up a one-game lead atop the division.
3.	Caitlin’ on Up	Caitlin (+1) rebounded from a loss in Week 5 and got back into the win column with strong outings from T.Y. Hilton, Steve Smith, and the 49ers defense to move to 4-2. Buoyed by a smart mid-week Branden Oliver pickup, Caitlin managed to nab the top score this week and looks to be well on her way to a playoff berth once again.
4.	Shit Quatro	LeSean McCoy led the Eagles to a big win at home on Sunday but couldn’t quite do the same for Andrew (-1), as Greg B waltzed into Andrew’s house and ate all his bitch-ass cookies. Still, a 4-2 start is nothing to sneeze at, and Andrew will look to get back on the horse against Steve next time out.
5.	For Whom the Dong Tolls	It’s been a long and hard climb to 3-3 for Greg B (+1), but suddenly he’s reached .500 and may finally be overcumming his draft-day debacle once and for all. Matt Forte continued to dick all over opponents, and a series of clutch pickups including Ben Tate and the Titans defense sealed Greg’s third victory in four weeks. An all-Greg cockfest looms in Week 7. Penis.
6.	Maybe Don’t Play Steve Next Year?	Brian (-1) looked to have an easy matchup ahead of him in Week 6 against a winless Steve, and he took a lead into the final seconds of the Monday night game before getting ABSOLUTELY SHITFUCKED on a garbage-time dump-off pass to Steve’s Zac Stacy. In one of the most brutal turns in recent fantasy memory, Brian went from 3-3 and in decent shape in a tough division to 2-4 and facing a tough uphill climb from here on out. Interestingly though, Brian is only 11.0 off the overall points lead in the entire league; a massive 968.2 points against has doomed him in the early going.
7.	Trippin’	Tim (+1) didn’t have the worst week ever but came up short in his matchup and tallied his fourth loss of the year. Mr. Birdo had five Gaytrippers who managed to score between two and seven fantasy points against Greg K. Not exactly a recipe for success against the best team in the league. Tim makes a trip to Burlington next week looking to get his season back on track.
8.	Slim Jim	Jimmy (-1) had very few bright spots in Week 6 and put together the worst score in the league with 115.7 points. The only thing keeping him afloat is the Kirk Cousins-DeSean Jackson combo, but that could fall apart at any second, and with Victor Cruz now out for the year, it’s hard to see a playoff run happening for this squad.
9.	Bro, You Were 2-0?	Mikey (0) continued to put on a losing clinic, dropping his fourth straight matchup and falling to 2-4 on the year. Tom Brady finally pulled his head out of his ass in Week 6, but Caitlin pushed Mikey’s shit right back in. He’ll have to make serious improvements if he has his eyes on a return trip to the postseason.
10.	You Can Put It On The Board, YES!	If anyone deserved a bullshit win, there’s no question it was Steve (0), who miraculously avoided an 0-6 start but remains in the basement here. It’s been a long season for Steve already and it may not get much better anytime soon; his next five opponents are a combined ten games over .500.