Week 3 Power Rankings by Greg Kodz

This weeks Power Rankings are being brought to you, in part, by Twitter: “Hashtag Shit and See Who Cares!!”

Note: I used the team names instead of our actual names.*

1.	Dr. Dong Johnson (0) #shitonthbossescar	Dr. Dong shit on the bosses car and was handed an unorthodox amount of work, leading him to forget to check his roster prior to Sunday's 1 o'cock games. Luckily for him, it didn't matter, as he would have been mercilessly spanked either way. That being said, 153 points with 2 key players out isn't too shabby, there may be light at the end of the shaft for Dr. Dong after all if he puts in the hard work and grinds it out.
	Outlook for next week	Fair (barring jackassitry*) vs Lil' Beef and the Beeftones
2.	Spider, Why Two Bananas? (+3) #youllneedyourswimmies	Mr. Spider seems to have a deep ass team. It looks like the only thing that can hold him back will be Mike Evans/CJ Anderson but he has eyes for the future, as do these two potential studs. This is a team we all need to worry about swimming in the deep end with.
	Outlook for next week	(ESPN doesn't agree, but...) Promising vs Diagnosis Murder
3.	Davante's Inferno (-1) #imlongandimstrong	Mr. Davante's extensive research and cunning has landed himself a strong week. His bench provided hope that in the event of injury, he would have to worry not. “Touchys” from his receiving core would be appreciated in the coming weeks
	Outlook for next week	Gloomy vs Jamaal Regret This Later
4.	Fuuuuuuuuuuuck This (-1) #OOPS	Ms. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck had an awful week, to the satisfaction of this writer, who is very bitter about last years finals. Ms. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck's seasoned veterans couldn't tweak or twerk their game enough to score some touchdowns. This could just be “one of those weeks,” not counting this team out of the running for her second title in as many years yet though.
	Outlook for next week	Tight vs HYDE And SEEK
5.	Jamaal Regret this Later (-1) #JamaalstBeKiddinMe	Ms. Jamaal continues to ride Jamaal Charles like the beautiful prancing stallion* he is, but with weak showings from nearly everyone else, this jockey might consider branching out and finding new horsies to ride with. Touchdowns were not the biggest issue here, overall production from players that are heavily integrated into their teams offense will be what Ms. Jamaal will need if she wants to come out of this year crossing the line first.
	Outlook for next week	Surprisingly Decent vs Davante's Inferno
6.	Hyde and Seek (0) #goingham	Mr. Hyde had his thumb on the ham horn, on his ham horn app on his phone, all god damn day. Racking and Raking, Raking and Racking, simply put: quarterbacks and receivers... I can't say more. One other thing... not much depth on this team, the waiver wire will be important to avoid major loss of points when the BYE weeks come into play.
	Outlook for next week	We'll See... Vs Fuuuuuuuuuuuck This
7.	Lil' Beef and the Beeftones (0) #fromtheashesabeeftoneisborn	Mr. Lil' gazed onward with a slightly offensive grin* as his team lost, allthewhile knowing that he is in fair position. The oldies but goodies are providing the meat while the youngin's are providing the lesser needed veggies to round out this “meal” of a team. Despite the loss, Mr. Lil' is in good shape and will use his well rounded team to make a hearty run for the cup.
	Outlook for next week	Ughhhhh vs Dr. Dong Johnson
8.	Fightin Fittez (+1) #howdoyoupronounceFittez?	Mr. Fightin made excellent use of the 3 QB slots this week, with all QBs, throwing at least one touchdown, and all attaining 350+ yards, he seems to be cruising. Hopefully the injury to Eddie Lacy won't disrupt the flow, and it remains to be seen what Jimmy Graham can do without the arm of Drew Brees throwing to him. Despite the loss this week, this matchup could've gone either way.
	Outlook for next week	Not looking too hot vs Team Auto Darft
9.	Diagnosis Murder (-1) #thatwaseasy	Mr. Diagnosis, had a strong receiving week, followed up by... well... nothing else*, but it proved to be enough to grab the coveted “DOUBLEYA”* in his matchup. With options on the bench and it being early in the season, it'll be a test to find the winning 1-2 knockout combo for Mr. Diagnosis.
	Outlook for next week	Doubtful vs Spider, Why Two Bananas?
10.	Team Auto Darft (0*) #howdidthishappen	The winds from the east and the winds from the west met over this auto drafted team and distributed an even flow* all over my team. This cannot be expected every week, but with the return of Le'Veon, next week, things could be heading in a good direction. I'll slum it down here until I can prove myself, to myself.* And with this, the Greg Sandwich is maintained for the second week!
	Outlook for next week	Favorable vs Fightin Fittez

*It is what it is.


Good luck next week everyone, and I'm sorry you read this.

Greg K.